


Shattered

by WinterWitch611



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Marriage Proposal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-19
Updated: 2018-07-19
Packaged: 2019-06-13 01:54:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15353643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WinterWitch611/pseuds/WinterWitch611
Summary: Bucky has been acting strangely. Clint jumps to conclusions and proves, once again, he's a disaster.





	1. Chapter 1

They just finished watching a movie. Nothing they cared to pay attention to, just some stupid thing that was on TV. They were both too lazy and preoccupied to change the channel. Bucky had noticed that Clint had been a little off lately. So that was occupying his mind; but tomorrow is their one year anniversary. Maybe his boyfriend will feel better once they’re celebrating. He has a surprise in store for him, little did he know.

“Hey doll, you ok?” Bucky asked, as he stretched his leg across the couch and nudged Clint with his foot.

“Huh? What?”He asked dazed. “Oh yeah, I’m fine. Just tired I guess,” was his response.

“Okay. If you say so. I think I’m gonna go lay down. You care to join me?” He hoped Clint would say yes. He really wanted to just curl up and hold him. Maybe find out what was bothering him.

Bucky made his way to the bedroom. He stopped to look back and saw Clint sitting forward on the couch with his arms resting on his knees, head hung low. Something was not right, and his stomach did a small flip. He turned and continued on his way to their bedroom.

With a long sigh, Bucky began to get ready for bed. Walking slowly to the bathroom he flipped on the light and began his routine. Once he was done he moved back to the bedroom to change into some thin sweatpants and jumped into bed. He lay back, staring at the ceiling, thinking, _‘This has been a great year. I finally have some peace. Got Stevie back in my life. The nightmares are mostly gone. I’m part of a great team. I live in Avengers Tower and I found the love of my life here. What more could I ask for? Other than to know what’s bothering Clint.’_

Just as he finishes that thought Clint enters the bedroom. He sits on the edge of the bed with his back to Bucky. ‘This cannot be good’ he thinks. “Hey baby, what’s going on?”

Clint takes a deep breath, lets it out slowly and says the most gut wrenching thing imaginable. “I think you should leave.”

Bucky is speechless. He feels all the blood drain from his face. His head swims. Choking back a sob all he can say is, “Wha….Why? What did I do?”

Clint’s body stiffens. “I think it’s for the best. Things just haven’t felt right lately. I know you feel it too. This was a mistake. We both needed a friend to lean on and it got out of hand. If we end it now maybe we can salvage our friendship.”

Bucky can’t speak. He’s shaking. The thoughts are racing through his mind. _‘This can’t be happening. How is this happening? I’m dreaming. This is a nightmare. I’m gonna wake up any second now. Please, let me wake up.’_

He takes a breath between sobs and says, “You think our relationship is a mistake? You’re saying everything we’ve been through in the past year meant nothing? That every time you told me you loved me was…was… a lie?” After waiting for a response that never comes he continues, “Can you at least look me in the eye while you rip out my heart?”

The other man doesn’t say anything but he visibly starts to shake. Bucky starts to reach for him then thinks better of it. “Please…TURN AROUND… SAY SOMETHING!” he shouts.

The minutes tick by. No response comes. Tears are spilling from both men’s eyes as they sit in silence.

Clint feels the bed shift. He braces for what he thinks is coming. A hit? A shove? Nothing. It was just his boyfriend, _ex-boyfriend,_ getting up to leave.

Bucky stops in the doorway but doesn’t turn around. “You just ended us and you couldn’t even look me in the face to do it. You’re a lot of things, Clint Barton, but I didn’t think you were a cold hearted coward.”

The archer flinches.

The front door closes and Clint is alone. He’s completely alone for the first time in a year. He lies back on their, _his_ , empty bed. Tears streaming down his face; sobs overtaking him. He had to do it, he tells himself. He knows he’s not really the one Bucky wants to be with; and he can’t take being his second choice any longer.

  
~~~~~~~~~~

  
Bucky makes it to the elevator doors before his legs give out. He hits the wall and slides down to the floor. He’s completely grief stricken. ' _What the hell just happened?'_

The elevator doors open and Natasha falls to her knees in front of the former assassin that’s now a quivering wreck. FRIDAY alerted her to the distress on the Barton/Barnes floor of the Tower they all share.

“Bucky? What’s going on? What happened?” He doesn’t respond. “Bucky, is Clint ok?” He nods his head. That’s the best he can do right now. She cradles his head in her hands. “C’mon. Get up. Come with me.”

She helps him to his feet and into the elevator. Her mind is racing; but she needs more information. Natasha thinks she can probably get more out of Clint but she can’t leave Bucky like this. He’s in bad shape. The only other person in the tower right now is Tony but he’s locked himself in his lab. Fat lot of help he’d be anyway. He’d probably just make it worse.

The elevator stops at Natasha’s floor of the tower. She helps Bucky to the couch in the middle of the living room. After getting him some water from the kitchen she sits down on the couch next to him. He’s just staring into space with tears streaming from his eyes.

“Bucky? Can you hear me?” she asks. He nods. “I can’t help you if I don’t know what’s going on. Can you please tell me what happened?”

“Clint… asked me to… leave,” he manages to say through broken sobs. “I don’t know… what I did. He wouldn’t… tell me. Wouldn’t even… look at me.”

 _‘I’m going to kill that idiot,’_ she thinks to herself. Nat and Clint have been best friends for years but right now she thinks maybe he’s the one that should have gotten the shovel talk, not Bucky.

Nat pulls Bucky in for a hug and gently strokes his hair. She softy speaks in Russian to calm him, whispering comforting words she’d never want the rest of the team to know she’s capable of. She’s grown fond of James Buchanan Barnes in the last year now that he’s no longer the Winter Soldier; and no longer trying to kill her. He’s also the love of her best friend’s life. Finding out how to fix this is her mission now.

“You feeling a little better? Maybe you can tell me what you think happened?” Nat asks as she pushes her hand gently through the distraught man’s hair.

He shakes his head, “I don’t know what happened…. I just… don’t… know,” he says; and then stops as his eyes widen like he just remembered something important. “Nat can you do something for me?” He asks, almost pleading.

“Of course, what is it?”

“In our bedroom, under my pillow, there’s a small box. Can you get it for me before he finds it?” As he finishes the sentence he sees the look of pity on his friends face and breaks down all over again. “I… was… was going to propose tomorrow. It would have been our one year…anniversary. Only Steve knew. He was helping me plan everything. How do I tell him what happened?”

“Don’t worry about Steve. I’m going to go do what you asked. Will you be okay alone for a little while?” Natasha doesn’t want to leave him by himself but she suddenly has the urge to choke the life out of a certain archer she knows.

He nods.

She lays him down on the couch and pulls a blanket over him. After planting a gentle kiss on his forehead Natasha heads back to the elevator. Clint better have a damn good explanation for all this.

Right now Nat’s the one with the murder strut.

  
~~~~~~~~~~

  
The elevator doors open and in three long strides Natasha reaches Clint’s door. She doesn’t bother to knock. She storms across the living room and she can hear faint sniffling coming from the bedroom. _‘Oh, he thinks his crying now. Wait until I’m finished with him,’_ she thinks to herself.

As soon as she reaches the bedroom doorway she says, “Really, Clint? You finally found the person you were destined to be with. The person that loves you more than anything. And you throw him out without having the decency to give him an explanation?? Without even looking him in the face?? What the hell is wrong with you?!”

“Didn’t take long for him to plead his case, did it?” Suddenly feeling defensive, Clint sits up and glares at his best friend. His tears halted. “Did he tell you how he’s been sneaking around with Steve? Huh? Did he? How about all the looks they’ve been giving each other when they think I can’t see them? He left that part out, right?!”

As he shifts to sit on the edge of the bed Nat starts to stomp across the room toward him. He almost feels as if she’s about to physically attack him but she hops up on the bed behind him and reaches under Bucky’s pillow.

“What the hell are you doing?”

She sighs and hops back off the bed to stand in front of Clint and tell him exactly what the hell she’s doing.

“I’m showing you what a complete idiot you are.” She opens her hand to reveal the small box.

Clint feels like he’s just been punched in the gut. His eyes are wide and he’s frozen in place. After what feels like days he reaches for the box. Tears are welling in his eyes again. Running his fingers over the small box a few times, he musters enough courage to open it. Inside is a beautiful platinum band. As the gravity of his mistake hits him he pulls the ring from the box and notices an inscription. _‘I’m yours, forever –JBB’_

“What have I done?” he whispers as he collapses forward.

Nat catches him as they slide down to the floor together. She holds him as he wails. The power of his pain overwhelms her as tears well in her eyes. Her anger is gone now. There’s just sadness about all this hurt and pain. Deep down she knows why this happened. Clint has always felt unworthy of anyone’s love. That he was always just a stop along the way. That no one would want to spend the rest of their lives with him. So he was always waiting for the inevitable betrayal. She hoped there was a way to repair the damage.

Suddenly a voice can be heard overhead “Excuse me, Agents. Agent Barnes is in need of immediate assistance. I fear he’s about to do something rash” FRIDAY warns.

Natasha and Clint look at each other. There’s no decision to be made. They’re both on their feet in seconds, running for the door.

  
~~~~~~~~~~

  
Clint and Natasha reach her floor in record time. They start to yell Bucky’s name when they don’t see him in the living room where Nat left him. They aren’t sure where he is. “FRIDAY??? Where is he???” Clint yells to the AI. “Agent Barnes is in the master bathroom, sir.” is the reply.

As they reach the doorway of the bathroom they’re stopped in their tracks. They see Bucky sitting on the floor with one of Natasha’s guns in his hand. He’s not aiming at himself he’s just running his flesh fingers over it and staring at the wall, in a trance like state.

Clint drops to his knees beside Bucky. “Bucky? Can you hear me?” He asks softly. “I need to know if you can hear me, baby… please.”

Bucky turns his head toward Clint. The look in his eyes is pure Winter Soldier rage. “Baby?” Bucky asks through gritted teeth. “Did you just call me… baby?” The tone of his voice makes Natasha back up slightly.

“I… I’m so sorry. I made a horrible mistake. I should have talked to you. I was wrong… so fuckin wrong.” Clint wanted to try to explain himself but Bucky wasn’t in any mood to listen.

A switch had been flipped and there was no telling where his mind was taking him. The man he loved just ripped his heart out and didn’t have the decency to look him in the eye when he did it. Now he’s just supposed to turn off the rage and listen to an apology? Not happening. Not today. Maybe not ever.

Bucky continues to run his fingers over the gun in his hand. “Did you really just call me baby?! I think you’re the one that needs to leave now, Barton!” Bucky snarls through clenched teeth.

Barton? This can’t be a good sign. Calling each other by their last names had ended with their first kiss. Clint looks up at Natasha standing in the doorway. “This… this is why I shouldn’t get close to people. I always fuck it up.”

Natasha’s heart is breaking just watching this scene unfold before her. She motions for Clint to get up and come toward her. “Let me talk to him. Give us a few minutes. I’ve got him. Just go… go for a walk.”

Clint hangs his head as he walks past her in the doorway. “Thanks, Nat. I’m sorry I caused this. I’m a fuckin disaster. Seems nothing will ever change that.”

As Clint walks away Bucky looks up. She knows that look. It’s a look of anger, hurt and desperation. Like he’s trying to decide who he wants to shoot. He looks down and continues to run his fingers over the gun almost like he’s self-soothing, or plotting a death, it’s hard to tell sometimes. Natasha takes that moment to quickly text Steve:

 **Nat:** You need to get back here ASAP.

 **Steve** : Trouble?

 **Nat** : Bucky. Clint. Not good. My floor. NOW.

 **Steve** : On my way up. Just got back

Nat falls to her knees beside Bucky. “Hey… can we talk? I want to help. Please let me try.”

He looks at her through a curtain of hair, not quite picking his head up all the way. “I know you think I’m gonna shoot myself. I’m not. It’s not even loaded. I took out the clip and emptied the chamber. Didn’t want the temptation. The weight of it in my hand grounds me… calms me.”

Natasha let’s out a long breath “Jesus Christ, Bucky, you scared the shit outta me. I sent Clint away because I didn’t know if you were planning on shooting him or yourself.”

Bucky sits quietly for a moment then it all comes spilling out. “To be honest, I was trying to decide that myself. How could he think I was running around behind his back? He really must think I’m a worthless piece of shit if that thought was spinning through his mind for, what, weeks?! So he shared a bed with me, had sex with me, told me he loved me and the whole time he thinks I’m fuckin Steve?!”

Just as the last few words leave Bucky’s lips Steve appears in the doorway “Wait… what?! Who’s fuckin Steve?”

Bucky looks up at him and huffs out a half laugh. “Apparently, I am.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Clint headed up to the roof after Nat basically told him to get lost. He sat down in his favorite spot right above the “A” on the side of the building. Legs dangling over the edge. As he looks out over the city, thinking about what an idiot he’s been, he can sense someone behind him. He almost wishes whoever it is will just shove him off the side. After seeing how he made Bucky feel… yeah… he deserves it.

“He loves you, ya know?” Steve says quietly. “I’ve never know Bucky to give his love to anyone. To let someone that close to him. Let them in. Trust them not to hurt him”

That last part was a gut punch. Clint felt the bile rise in his throat. He actually thought he was going to throw up all over Tony’s precious “A”. He slides his legs back over the ledge and turns to face the man he thought was his competition.

“Steve… I… I’m sorry. So fuckin sorry.” Clint hangs his head as the tears start to roll down his cheeks once more. “I wish I could take it all back and start this night over again. If I wasn’t such an insecure asshole I could be laying in bed, right now, next to the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen.” He takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. “Can you at least understand why I thought he wanted to be with you? I mean, come on, look at you and then look at me. On what planet would someone as beautiful as Bucky want someone like me? I’m a goddamn walking disaster. I spend half my time on the medical floor because I can’t get out of my own way…. I …”

“Clint!” Steve heard enough and was going to tell him so in the most Captain way possible. “You do understand he was going to ask you to marry him, right? He wants to spend the rest of his life with you; but if you don’t trust him or feel like you can talk to him and tell him how you feel… well, maybe you were right. Maybe you shouldn’t be together. Trust is the foundation of every relationship. If you don’t have that you have nothing.”

Clint sat in silence for a moment and let that sink in.

He needs to fix this, make it right. “I need to try to talk to him.” Well that was an understatement. The real question here is will Bucky want to hear what he has to say? Or will his just tell him to fuck off? He finally makes full eye contact with Steve. “I’m scared. What if I fucked this up beyond repair?”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky figures out why Clint jumped to an insane conclusion. Doesn't make it any easier to handle.
> 
> Clint is still a disaster.

**“In our bedroom, under my pillow, there’s a small box. Can you get it for me before he finds it?” As he finishes the sentence he sees the look of pity on his friends face and breaks down all over again. “I… was… was going to propose tomorrow. It would have been our one year…anniversary. Only Steve knew. He was helping me plan everything. How do I tell him what happened?”**

**“Don’t worry about Steve. I’m going to go do what you asked. Will you be okay alone for a little while?”**

Nat leaves Bucky alone. He starts to think back, _‘What could have caused Clint to break it off? What could I have done that was so bad he’d just throw me out without an explanation? Without looking me in the face?’_

This is not where he thought he’d be right now. On Natasha’s couch, alone with nowhere to go but his empty floor of the tower. Bucky hasn’t lived on that floor for almost 6 months now; not since Clint asked him to move in with him. _‘Oh Clint, what the hell? Why couldn’t you just talk to me?’_ Bucky ponders this question as he slowly gets up and heads to the bathroom in Nat’s master bedroom. He needs to splash some cold water on his face; or bash his head on the sink a few dozen times. He’ll decide when he gets in there.

As he walks through the bedroom he notices a Glock on the dresser. He picks it up and assesses the weight in his hand. Such a comfort these weapons can be sometimes. All that power in such a relatively small amount of metal.

_‘_ _I can end this now. One pull.’_

Okay, that’s not something he needs to be thinking about at the moment. In a few deft moves the gun is unloaded. Bucky likes the feel of it in his hand though, so he keeps hold and continues in to the bathroom. Leaning on the sink he looks at himself in the mirror. ' _Come on, Barnes… THINK! What made Clint end it. What the fuck can it be?’_

Thinking is making his head swim. He leans back against the wall and slides down to the floor. Knees pulled up and head tucked down, he begins tapping his head with the gun. Think. Tap. Think. Tap. Think. Tap. The only thing that comes to mind is Steve. _Oh shit! That has to be what it is!_

Bucky’s remembering now. He’s been cancelling plans with Clint, constantly looking at his phone, going for runs with Steve instead of Clint. He disappeared two days ago without a word. Yeah, Clint thinks he’s running around with Steve. That has to be it! It cuts him to think how little Clint trusts him. To not even have the decency to talk to him; to just throw him out like garbage, assuming he’s a cheater.

If Clint would have just waited one more day, he’d know the whole story. He was with Steve, but they most certainly weren’t having sex. They were finalizing the plan for the proposal and picking up the ring.

_‘This is too much. I can’t believe he thinks I’m cheating on him. He must think I’m a piece of shit liar too.’_

His heart is pounding in his chest causing his blood pressure to rise. A normal reaction to a stressful situation, however in this instance it triggers FRIDAY’s **Danger Protocol**. Tony can be a terrible voyeur sometimes so the team made sure FRIDAY’s surveillance was disabled in their living quarters. The only thing that can override that is if someones life is in danger. To FRIDAYs sensors Bucky was in distress. Once the AI activated the surveillance on Nat’s floor Bucky could be seen sitting on the floor with a gun, tapping at his forehead with it.

Within minutes Nat and Clint are bursting through the door, having been alerted by FRIDAY they rushed to see if Bucky was okay. Clint drops to his knees beside Bucky.

**“Bucky? Can you hear me?” He asks softly. “I need to know if you can hear me, baby… please.”**

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Once Natasha convinces Clint to go for a walk it is only a minute or two before Steve appears in the doorway to the bathroom. He happens to walk in just as Bucky is telling Nat that he’s pretty sure Clint thinks he’d been cheating on him.

**“Wait… what?! Who’s fuckin Steve?” Steve says.**

**Bucky looks up at him and huffs out a half laugh. “Apparently, I am.”**

“Hang on a second. You mean to tell me after everything you two have been to each other he thinks you’re running around on him?” Steve is having a tough time picturing Bucky intentionally hurting Clint. He knows how much he loves the archer. Even though he’s a walking disaster; he’s Bucky’s disaster.

There was a really dark time, a year or so ago, that Steve didn’t think anyone would be able to pull his friend out of the deep depression he’d fallen in to. When he started showing up to watch the team’s training sessions daily, he figured he just wanted some company. When he started showing up in the middle of the night to watch Clint shooting targets, for hours, because neither man could sleep… he realized maybe it was Clint that Bucky wanted keeping him company.

The archer was the only one who had a similar experience. He knew what it felt like being brainwashed, and killing innocent people against your will. Clint had noticed the former assassin always showing up wherever he was in the tower. During one of his 3am sessions at the range he simply said, “I know how you feel. I want to help. Will you let me try?” He couldn’t see Bucky but he knew he was there.

A small broken voice from the shadows in the corner said, “Please.”

Once the ice was broken, and Clint was able to get Bucky to talk to him, they became inseparable. It made the Captain a little jealous; but also appreciative. If he couldn’t get his friend out of his shell he’s happy one of his teammates could.

Almost as if Natasha could read Steve’s mind she says to the man slumped on the floor, “I know you love him. And I damn sure know he loves you. This has gotten way out of hand. He realizes he fucked up. Can you find it in your heart to talk to him? Let him explain why he did what he did?” Natasha almost sounds like she’s begging. This makes Bucky uneasy. Nat doesn’t beg… ever.

“I guess my actions didn’t help the situation. But to jump to THAT conclusion immediately. I don’t know, Nat. I’m afraid I’ll lose my temper. I think I need some time.”

“C’mon, pal.” Steve puts his hand out to Bucky to help him up off the floor. “I know you think you need time; but to go from planning an engagement to needing time away from the man you love in less than 24 hours, that’s just not sitting right with me. Talk to him.”

“I don’t know, Steve.” After getting to his feet, he looks his best friend in the eye. “I’ve never felt hurt like this before. I’ve had some pretty horrible things done to me over the years. But I can honestly say I’d rather take another bullet or get stabbed with a dull knife then feel this kind of pain.”

“I know. I can only imagine how you feel. I still think you need to talk it out. Go up to your floor; and by ‘your floor’ I mean yours and Clint’s. I’m going to go get him.” Steve looks at Natasha. “The roof or the vents?”

Nat doesn’t even think about it. “The roof.”

“Okay then. I’m heading up there now.” He turns to Nat, “Give me a few minutes. Get Bucky back upstairs and then text Clint to come down when Bucky is settled and ready to talk.”

Nat turns her attention to Bucky “C’mon, Soldier. Let’s get you back home where you belong.” Bucky lifts his head, “Home.” he says with a huff. “Ya know, for the first time in my life I really thought I had one. I don’t know anymore. I just… don’t… know.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve and Nat convince Bucky and Clint to talk.  
> Amazing what a little communication can accomplish.
> 
> Clint is Bucky's disaster!

**He needs to fix this, make it right. “I need to try to talk to him.” Well that was an understatement. The real question here is will Bucky want to hear what he has to say? Or will his just tell him to fuck off? He finally makes full eye contact with Steve. “I’m scared. What if I fucked this up beyond repair?”**

As if on cue Clint’s phone vibrates in his pocket and startles him. He’d completely forgotten he had his phone on him.

It’s a text message.

**Nat** : I know you’re on the roof. Head down to your floor.

**Clint** : Why? I don’t want to be there without him.

**Nat** : He’s there. Go talk to him.

Clint doesn’t know what to say. He wants to talk but he also wants to run away. He doesn’t know if he’s strong enough to face Bucky after what he put the man through tonight. The minutes tick by.

**Nat** : Hey, you there?

**Clint** : I’m scared

**Nat** : You should be. you deserve a verbal ass kicking

**Nat** : I love you but… you fucked up.

“Yeah, I know I did.” Clint says out loud.

“What was that?” Steve asks.

“Nat just told me I fucked up. I know, I should be used to fucking things up but this time… I don’t know, this time I hurt the most important person in my life. I hope he can forgive me. I want to wear that ring and tell the world I’m his.” Clint hangs his head and takes a deep breath “Cap,” he picks his head up and looks Steve in the eye, “I owe you an apology too. I’m sorry I jumped to conclusions. I guess that was a pretty big insult to you. I basically accused America’s moral compass of having no morals. I really am a brainless idiot.”

Steve reaches out to put his hand on the apologetic man’s shoulder.

“I know you’re sorry, and I accept.” He slides his arm around the man, gives him a half hug and guides him toward the door of the roof. “Now c’mon, let’s get you downstairs. You can do this. Just be honest and don’t hold anything back. Tell him how you feel.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

The elevator doors open and Steve gives Clint a pat on the back, followed by a slight push. “Go on, just remember how much you love each other. You need to talk to him, but remember to listen.” Once the archer is out of the elevator Steve adds, “nothing has happened that can’t be fixed.”

The doors close and Clint is alone. He takes a few hesitant steps and stands in front of his own front door scared to death to go inside. _‘What do I say? How do I begin to tell him how sorry I am? Tell him I’m a fucking idiot, that’s a good start.’_

His hand is shaking as he turns the door knob. The door feels like it weighs 1000 pounds as he pushes it open. Bucky is sitting on the couch, leaning forward, arms braced on his knees, head in his hands. Clint slowly walks toward him and the other man lifts his head. As soon as their eyes meet the reactions are both expected and heartbreaking. Silent tears stream from Clint’s eyes as anger washes over Bucky’s face.

“I’m sorry.” It’s a whisper; but it’s all the remorseful man can muster.

“You’re sorry. You’re SORRY?” Bucky wants to control his anger, maybe keep it completely under wraps but no such luck. “I told them this was a bad idea.” He rises to his feet and walks straight toward Clint stopping just in front of him. “I can’t do this. I hoped seeing you would make me want to talk this out but ...I can’t.”

Bucky side steps around Clint and reaches for the door. Just as he’s about to turn the handle a small broken voice says, “Please.”

Bucky freezes. He remembers sitting huddled in a dark corner of the range. Watching a strong, fearless archer loose arrow after arrow. Watching as the confident man hit bullseyes, effortlessly on fast moving targets. He wished he was that confident in himself. He wished the man would notice how enamored he’d become with him. He wanted to ask for help with the demons in his head knowing Clint was the only one that understood his pain.

**“I know how you feel. I want to help. Will you let me try?”**

Finally, the words he’s been longing to hear. He had to summon the courage to reply. **A small broken voice from the shadows in the corner said, “Please.”**

He feels the blood drain from his face. His anger starts to subside as he let’s go of the door handle and turns around.

“I want to understand,” a whisper of words leave Bucky’s mouth. “I want you to tell me why.”

Clint doesn’t know where to begin. He wants so badly to pretend this night never happened; but that just isn’t an option. Taking a step backward, toward the couch, he motions for the other man to follow his lead; hesitantly he obliges.

Once they are seated Clint takes a deep shaky breath and lets it out slowly. He is trying to calm himself before he attempts to speak. “Do you remember the first time we went for a run in the park?” Clint asks.

Bucky scrunches his face. He looks totally confused. Where is this going? “Yes.” He replies along with a questioning gaze. “I never told you this before but… that was the day I realized I was in love with you.” Clint explains. “You were a good distance ahead of me and when I came around a bend in the path. I saw you talking with someone.” He drops his gaze to the floor, “A very hot someone. At that moment all I could think was _Get the fuck away from him, he’s mine!_ ”

When he looks up he sees the shock on Bucky’s face.

“That run was only a few weeks after that night in the range,” he says.

“I know,” Clint continues. “I realized two things that day. One… I’m hopelessly in love with you and two…” he takes a deep breath, letting it out slowly and says, “I’m a jealous asshole.”

Bucky huffs a small laugh when Clint finishes. “So because you’re a jealous asshole, and I’m not arguing that fact, you decided I’m a cheater? That can’t be it. That CAN NOT be the whole story. Out with it, Barton!” he demands. “Just tell me. PLEASE. Look… I love you. I’ve loved you from the minute I saw you.” Clint gasps at that confession. Bucky doesn’t give him the chance to speak just yet. “There you were. This goofy, clumsy disaster that came stumbling into the living room covered in bandages. You didn’t even flinch when I sorta… came at you.” Clint had startled him. Steve had to restrain him for a moment when he looked like he was going to go after the archer. “You just smiled that crooked smile of yours and introduced yourself. The world’s most feared assassin comes at you and you smile and say ‘Hi, I’m Clint!’”. Bucky’s lips turned upward in a sad little smile, “That was the moment. I looked into your blue eyes and thought _‘Jesus christ, he’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.’”_ Bucky stops and lets out a sigh. “Now, please, talk to me. You got me to turn around. I’m here… all in.”

“I’ve never known what it’s like to really be loved.” Clint starts to explain. “My family used me as a meal ticket. I can’t say I ever felt loved or wanted by any of them. All they cared about was ‘how much money can the arrow shooting freak make for us tonight?’” He pauses for a moment; looking directly at Bucky he begins again. “The first time you told me you loved me was the best moment of my life, followed by the worst.” Bucky looks at him confused and Clint knows he has to get to the point. “I kept telling myself _this_ ,” he motions between the two of them, “is too good to be true. Enjoy it while it lasts. As soon as he figures out what a disaster I am… he’s gone.”

Clint doesn’t want this to turn into a pity party. He isn’t trying to guilt Bucky into staying. He just wants to try to explain his actions; he owes the man that much at least.

“The last 6 months has be amazing… until....” He hangs his head and continues, “one night I saw you looking at Steve with the most devious look on your face. I thought I was imagining things; but you didn’t come to bed til 2am. The next morning you left me that note saying you were going for a run with Steve. When you finally came home you were looking at you phone and smiling on and off all night. Stuff like that was happening for weeks. I kept quiet because I didn’t want to know what was going on. If I stayed quiet nothing would have to change. I could deny anything was going on or just resign myself to having to share you if it was.”

Bucky is completely floored; he had no idea he was making Clint feel this way. “I wasn’t thinking about how it must look to you. I’m so sorry I made you feel like you were sharing me.” He leans toward Clint and takes his hands in his. “You will never have to share me. I’m yours… all yours for the rest of my life.”

As tears roll down his cheeks, Clint takes a shaky breath and looks deep into the other man’s eyes. He could drown in those eyes. As Clint opens his mouth to speak Bucky gently placing his finger on his lips to shush him. He reaches toward the table behind the couch. Nat was kind enough to stash the ring there when she walked Bucky back to the room.

When he twists his body back around he slides down, on to one knee, in front of a gasping, tearful archer. “Clint,” he begins as he opens the small box in his hand revealing the beautiful platinum band. “I’m sorry I scared you. I’m sorry you thought for one second that you weren’t the most important person in my life. You are, and always will be; you're everything I could ever want.”

Bucky pulls the ring from the box. Holding the ring in his right hand he takes Clint’s shaking left hand in his.

“I will spend the rest of my days proving it to you. I promise you, you’ll never have a reason to doubt me… US… ever again.” With a slight quiver in his voice, Bucky says the words Clint hoped he still had a chance to hear. “I love you so much. Will you marry me?”

“Yes! Yes I’ll marry you!” After his fiance slides the ring on his finger, Clint gently cups his face with his hands. The kiss they share is almost better than their first. It feels like love, forgiveness and a promise of forever.

**Author's Note:**

> Beta'd by Caramell0w


End file.
